This blog started as one thing and I'm not sure what it became except for nothing.
I have lost the meaning to what I was doing here and am trying to find something to inspire me to reach out again. There have been tragedies and triumphs both personal and global, since I have taken an absence. I know I have posted a few things but nothing with heart. I need to try and have some heart again in this blog. That is what made me happy and feel good, not that I am not happy without it but, that I don't feel like complaining about being tired and unhappy with my body these days. That's just not who I want to be I want to be the positive change in my own life. I think that you can't use others to make you feel fulfilled, I am a mother and a wife but I need me too. I recently started playing soccer and realized I am in true need of friends, I have friends great friends, but I need friends I see more. I sometimes am a bit of a loner and easily let myself fall back into that. Playing soccer on a team of other grown women makes me feel empowered. I am still the kick a** competitor I once was. I still have it in me after all this time and even when I'm exhausted it's still there. I just need to harvest that feeling.
I also pretty much stopped finding myself new music to listen to and expand my horizons. I wasn't even following my favorite artists and failed to find the jewel of this epiphany. This song is called How by Regina Spektor this song brought me to tears the first time I heard it. Once I heard it I needed more and i proceeded to listen to the whole album What We Saw From The Cheap Seats. It is such moving album. If you listen to "How" I am pretty sure you will want to try some more of the album. I would suggest "Don't Leave Me (Ne me quitte pas)" and "All the Rowboats".
Time can come and take away the pain
But I just want my memories to remain
This post has not exactly come to a conclusion like I would have hoped but, I guess using my brain and heart together to semi compose a post is good for now. I just wish I had more at this time but, this seems to be it. The run on sentence in my mind has fallen tired and silent.
I just hope I find some spot where I don't need to feel like a super mom or anything to write a post. I just need to be me and that's enough. Perhaps I'll take this time before I head off to sleep to edit a few more things on this blog that do not seem to project what I want my reflection to be.